I was excited when Sherrie's friend Brandon invited us to go to the roller skating rink for his birthday this past Sunday night. We did it old school; we got the cherrie Slushee as well as those brown house skates with the orange wheels.
So we're drinking our slurpees outside of the snack bar when this guy comes up to us and asks us to take them back inside of the snack bar. He was in his mid to late 30s, kind of short and had on a necklace with skates carved out of wood on it. Awkward to say the least.
So later on, it's 'couples-skate or skate backwards' time (which always used to piss me off because I could never get a date or skate any way besides forward). So me and Sherrie try to skate backwards. Awkward Roller Boy starts giving me tips and applauding my first-time skating backwards efforts. Again, a little weird. I'm also getting the impression that although he works there, he's not on the clock. He's not in the Skate World uniform and he's only patrolling our group of friends.
About 10 o'clock that night, he comes up to me and Sherrie sitting on the side of the rink. He starts making small talk about how I should get new skates and again how I did a nice job skating backward for my first time. I'm nice, so I continue the conversation with him. Sherrie of course is no help, looking the complete opposite way and leaving me out to dry. Then, he asks me if I want to couples-skate with him later. Oh yes, I said 'couples-skate'. No, I'm not still in sixth grade. So he completely catches me off guard and the only think I can think to say is, "I don't know how long we're going to be here, and..." He says to me, "Well if you're still here, I'll come find you later." I realize at that point I just told a 30-someodd year old man with a roller skating necklace that I will couples-skate with him. I immediately want to throw up.
So from there on it's like a trip back to middle school. Sherrie tells the group of friends we're with and they suggest I hide in the bathroom when the last song comes on. Roller Boy keeps circling the floor to show off his roller talents while staring at me every time he passes our group of friends. When the DJ comes on the mike to change up the skaters, I want to vomit thinking he's going to say "couples-skate".
So finally the moment I've been dreading is here. The lights go down on the rink floor and I beeline to a deserted location, hoping he won't find me. But, sure enough, like all roller predators he locates me within 30 seconds. He skates over to me, does a fancy stop and holds out his hand to whisk me away to Roller Heaven. I tell him he completely caught me off guard and that I was here with my girlfriend. And I swear if I didn't think I was on a TV show before, I'm expecting the camera crew to come out when he says, "Oh. I didn't know you played for the other team."
So although Roller Boy went home without a Roller Queen to spoil with lavish gifts of skate wheel oil and glow bracelets, he still has next Sunday. Maybe he learned his lesson about hitting on women at the skate rink. I have a feeling though he'll be trying to teach another girl how to skate backwards or on one leg. All I have to say is thank God it's not me.
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